This may be your first baby and you have no idea what to expect. If you are pregnant with your sixth baby, well, you most likely know what you are doing, but it probably took you a couple tries before establishing proper communication while in pain. It can make a world of difference when your support team knows what you need or how to effectively ask you if they don't. Here are a few tips and tricks to have great communication that can make you feel more in control of your birth.
Figure Out Your Method
It's important that you talk with your support team about how you best receive information under stress. Take some time to think back on a stressful situation. Did you feel more confident when you had all the details, or did you prefer quick and simple questions? There is no right answer, but in my experience a lot of folks like things simplified unless the decision comes with higher stakes.
When discussing this topic with my families, I get both mom and dad's preferences by asking a basic question: Are you a "this or that?" or a "yes or no?" person? If you are the former, you like options. You want someone to ask you if you want apple juice OR orange juice. You want all the options laid out before you before making a decision. If you are the latter, you want someone to ask you if you want apple juice THEN ask if you want orange juice if you declined the apple juice. You prefer to be asked about one thing at a time to simplify making a choice. If your support knows how you like to receive information, they can tailor questions to you easier so you can focus on the next contraction.
How to Ask Questions During a Contraction
Don't do it! Unless there is an emergency or an urgency to the question, no one should be asking you questions during a contraction, especially when they are really intense. Only until you have opened up communication yourself should people jump in for clarification. Encourage your support team to act first and let them know if you do or do not want something. Most healthcare workers will also play by this rule, but if they aren't, let them know you are having a contraction and will answer them after it is over. It's quite possible you are coping so well they didn't know you were having one!
How You Can Communicate
First off, don't be shy to ask for anything. Seriously anything! You should be surrounded by people you feel most comfortable with. You need to be able to have open communication with your support. Never be afraid to ask for help or privacy either. I have had plenty of moms that will let me hold their leg up when it comes time to pushing, but they still prefer to go to the bathroom on their own. You aren't crazy if this sounds like you. Let your nurses know if modesty is important to you, and they will do their best to keep you covered when appropriate.
When your partner or doula come in to massage or do a hip squeeze, make sure you are getting the most out of their efforts. It is incredibly helpful when a momma can direct me to go lower, higher, softer, or harder on a hip squeeze. Let them know what feels good too! "Keep doing that" or "do that other thing again" are small requests, yet they can have a huge impact on you and your team's morale. Dads love straight-forward directions that allow them to be helpful. You deserve to be demanding, and no one is going to think you are being rude or improper by doing so.
Never be afraid to say "No, thank you!" if something doesn't help. You aren't required to accept everything offered and can always ask to try something new too. You may not know what you want, but you know whatever you are doing isn't working anymore. Let your team know, and they will help suggest other things to try. Even if there is something medical being offered by your nurse, midwife, or doctor, you still have every right to decline, ask for more information, or ask for extra time to think it over before making a decision. Medical professionals are always trying to do what is in your best interest, and they will understand that sometimes what they suggest isn't in your birth plan, so you can ask for other options.
This is your birth and you should feel empowered to know that you have the final say in your care. Everyone in the room should be in the mindset that they are there to help and support you while sharing the experience with you. When you get your birth team more involved, you will feel less isolated and more likely to have an enjoyable and satisfying experience.
Comments